Thursday, February 3, 2011

Bad day

Like the title clearly states, it was a bad day. It started off with an opportunity that I was hoping to get into and I found out that it wasn't going to happen. Then, I was called for subbing at the last possible minute so I had to run around like crazy, got in the car, I'm half way there...where is my I.D.? Husband took it out of the van because he thought I might need it and we were trading cars for the day - last week!! I had told him I didn't need and he didn't replace it right away and Voila! I'm half way to work without my i.d. Crud!

Even before that, though, the day started off with a bad dream that repeated itself and seems so true and just fits what I have been feeling lately. Aren't dreams amazing that way? So, I'm going to try to explain it and, honestly, as cheesy as it sounds, I swear a poem is the best way because it follows the thought process so here goes.

Eyes glued shut.
Can't open them.
Driving my car.
Going down the road.
My hands are gripping the wheel.
But I can't open my eyes!
Pulling, pulling my lids
They will not open!
But I'm driving!
Where am I going?
Expecting to crash
Any minute
Can't get my eyes open!

Yeah, wake up after having that same dream twice in one night and see if you don't feel a little out of sorts. And, it feels absolutely true. I'm in school, working on a teaching degree but the state of Ohio keeps adding on requirements and it's expensive. I'm subbing but haven't been getting the work that I need to pay for school. I'm painting but that keeps me from subbing and doesn't pay as much. I'm really not sure what is going to happen next and it feels like I could crash at any minute. If I do finish my degree, I have five years to spend another $15,000 on a Master's degree. At age 43, is this worth it? I love the kids, I love teaching them! Today, I taught, actually taught Algebra 2. Yeah. My specializations are Social Studies and English. Last year, I taught French as a long term sub. Yeah! French!! I had three years of it in high school! I had to re-teach it to myself and then teach it to my students! It was so hard but I loved it and loved them. Now, I don't know if financially I can follow through and I'm struggling with that. If I knew I could get a job right away - it is a question in Ohio, we have a surplus of teachers here. If I knew that we could swing it financially. If I could just open my eyes for crying out loud! Then, I would know what decision to make. I'll keep praying on it.

So what the heck does this have to do with Rachael Ray and the 365 day cookbook? I didn't cook tonight. I figured out that if I took one day off per week, that would still be over 300 recipes made. I will try to do it every night and hopefully, I won't take 52 days off over the year (way more than that 3 days I was allotting myself, right?) but tonight, I needed WonTon soup and some Chow Mei Fun and I needed not to cook.

Time for bed. I need this stinky day to be over!
Bonne nuit!

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